I believe all people have limits. Boundaries. Three levels. There’s our natural selves, our selves we can be from time to time, and then there’s the zone we can’t seem to ever tread into – that we don’t want to. I’m not a super outgoing person by nature. Put me in a sea of unfamiliar faces, and I’ll more than likely gravitate to talking to a small group out of the mass. I like social functions – parties and the like – but I tend to prefer the smaller ones where I can cut loose within a group that knows me and where I can truly be “me”. I despise public speaking but I have always loved performing. Throw me up on stage, flute in hand or in a play/musical, or perhaps hand me the karaoke mic and I’m golden.
It’s funny. As a child, I was the polar opposite. The perpetual ham. I wasn’t just that way to people who were close to me (friends, family) but to the whole world. And yes, the extent of home videos and photos to support this fact are virtually limitless. I was that kid. The one who went on vacation and always managed to traipse back into our hotel room with someone I’d met at the pool or at the beach who was my new best friend for the day. I think part of that pairs with why they say it’s so good to learn a foreign language at a young age… there’s no worry of rejection, no heightened sense of self-awareness, just you being *you*.
But I love forcing myself into the uncomfortable. The unnatural. Stretching those bounds and learning to somehow be comfortable and swim in that environment. It’s been all about that since I’ve arrived in NYC. Seeing as I’m on my fourth full week in a new city, I’ve been finding myself in that scenario a lot and am learning it’s not so bad. The eyes peering back on the other side have been nothing but kind, encouraging, as I figure out the city from A to Z… Where to eat? Where to shop? Doctors? You name it. I’ve had the select few constant familiar faces known long-before ever making the decision to move to NYC (including Tam who being my sister, I’ve surprisingly known all of *her* natural born existence – hah). I’ve met people through friends. I’ve met people through organizations. I’m starting with my new Junior League placement next week. And there’s many more to come. I’m defining a new comfort zone. At least temporarily. It doesn’t feel like so much of a stretch. It’s just the way things are now… and the way they’ll be for a while to come. And that’s ok, cause I’m making it home – both the city and the way of life.
But alas, I will get a temporary reprieve though this evening. There’s just something about throwing on a hot pink wig and massive crazy hot pink and black striped eyelashes makes it hard to feel on display as yourself. Gotta love Halloween…
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