why ‘shrooms can’t keep me from jen lancaster

I think that Bouchon Bakery was conspiring against my commitment to meeting Jen Lancaster. Her book signing for her new book, Such a Pretty Fat, was tonight in Columbus Circle. I went on over to the Time Warner Center to grab a bite beforehand and figured I’d keep on reading the book. Perfect. I grabbed a chicken sandwich and snagged one of the last seats available, much to the chagrin of another couple that swarmed over trying to get my stool. Aha. D-e-n-i-e-d!

I took a bite out of my sandwich, which was pretty tasty. The turkey had some sort of spunky cheese on it, which was good, and what I thought was some sort of slimy eggplant. The more I ate it though the more I decided it wasn’t eggplant. Hmmmm. Was it a bad piece from the ickiest part of the turkey? It looked so, almost like it was coated you know with that dark colored slick skin layer? Appetizing, ‘eh? I figured it might be from the lands of perhaps the dark, less sought-after by yours truly poultry.

I finally busted out the Purell so I could do a little sandwich dissection on my table. What did I discover? I had a MUSHROOMED invader. With all of the hyper-sensitivity around peanuts these days, have restaurants decided mushrooms are not deserving of any air-time? I am much more accustomed to restaurants realizing there’s an issue there. Usually they care about myself and other similarly allergen-motivated fungal-proof freaks. I’d only had two bites and was hoping that wouldn’t be enough to be an issue.

Jen & I

Jen & I

I was the second person to sit down in the seating area, and had the chance to meet some other great people as we were waiting an hour or so for Jen to come out. As I was sitting there though, my face was on fire and my throat was killing me. I felt a little dizzy – it was like I’d had some sort of ridiculous mushroomed margarita. And flames, rising up the sides of my face. But darn it, I was staying put after being front and center and my boyfriend Duane who would have row upon row of those magic electric pink tabs AKA Benadryl would have to wait for a bonding session oh at least an hour later.

It’s kind of comforting when you’ve been reading someone’s memoirs and they are exactly the person in real life you would anticipate them to be. Loved it. And like Jennifer Weiner, love their obsession with the current reality show fever. Her latest effort is peppered with allusions to the likes of such phenomenons as the Real World/Road Rules Challenge – love how discussion of Tanya, Evil Beth, Coral, or (heheh) the Miz is referenced as important. And I think I appreciated this even more after indulging increasingly in said shows thanks to DVR. Dixie had better love mind-rotting television…

Jen, you look lovely and glad you stuck to it with Barbie – even getting her to watch reality TV with you and eat pie. Hah. Can’t wait to finish the book to see the end of the story, for sure. Once I figure out how to get around the fact that my digital recording device’s drivers cannot be installed on a MAC (dumb) I will put up her talk here for you to enjoy. Good stuff (sprinkled occasionally with, ooops, the occasional interference from my cellphone busting up the party). I’ll get it up here though as soon as I figure out this Utterz site…

If you haven’t read Jen’s books, she has the most fun titles, I tell you. The full title this time around is Such a Pretty Fat: One Narcissist’s Quest to Discover if Her Life Makes Her Ass Look Big, or Why Pie is Not the Answer. Her first book was Bitter is the New Black: Confessions of a Condescending, Egomaniacal, Self-Centered Smartass, Or, Why You Should Never Carry a Prada Bag to the Unemployment Office and her second was Bright Lights, Big Ass: A Self-Indulgent, Surly, Ex-Sorority Girl’s Guide to Why it Often Sucks in the City, or Who are These Idiots and Why Do They All Live Next Door to Me? Love it. Is it bad to say the packaging on the first book is what got me to check out Jen in the first place? Call me a sucker…
 
Oh and so PS, I’m sitting here after making a pit stop for some Benadryl and Hall’s cough drops, and about to curl up and sleep after some hot tea. It’s not bad enough to go to the emergency room, but let’s say it’s hard to breathe and feels like horrible allergies being outside on a peak pollen spring day – times two! Ughhhhhh…

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8 thoughts on “why ‘shrooms can’t keep me from jen lancaster

  1. OMG, hope you’re ok!

    My boss took a bite of my meal last night, which had crab meat in it (he’s apparently allergic). Around 11 pm he started getting hives and I considered driving him to the hospital… until I realized we were in the Hamptons I didn’t know where the hospital was. Ha!

    (He’s ok.)

  2. So glad you survived till the reading! I saw her read last year from BRIGHT LIGHTS, BIG ASS and she was so funny… was sorry I had to miss her appearance this year.

  3. Thanks! Yeah, I’m ok… the Benadryl and sleep made this morning much better than last night. Wow, hives is much worse. Glad he’s ok too!

    Zandria – yes she is! She’s going to be somewhere out in VA. Tyson’s Corner maybe?

    Ellen – I know. There was noooo way I was leaving. She was too funny. I should have that clip up soon 🙂

  4. Ugh – I hope you are ok!!!

    I’ll admit, you’ve piqued my curiosity, as I’m always on the hunt for new authors. I’ll have to hit the bookstore in the next day or so and see if I can find any of these for some plane reading on Sunday.

  5. Annie – all good now. Thanks!

    You should totally! Don’t know if you’re near a Borders, but I think her stuff is all on the “buy one, get the second half-off” table (AKA the Magic Table – haha).

    I’d recommend Bitter is the New Black since they sort of go chronologically, so that’ll make the most sense. And I think that one’s my favorite too.

    I’m about 1/4 the way into the new one. Funny as always! Even at 5am waiting in an airport…

  6. Holy attack-of-the-mushrooms! Hope you started feeling better fast.

    Hilarious book titles for Jen. Love ’em.

  7. No worries, DrP – although might be motivated now to finally get one of those epipens. Kind of scary.

    If you’ve never read one of her books, totally recommend. Very funny and a nice change of pace from the work week!

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